Thursday, October 28, 2010
I am so angry with myself this morning.
Last night I felt pretty good. After doing cleaning and house work. I had made sure that nothing was left undone. By this I mean that in the past I have had a tendancy to start something and not finish it. So I would say decide to clean up a cupboard and I would pull everything out and get half way through putting it back in and then leave it. Stuff everywhere. Last night I made sure that I only did one shelf and I took everything out then put the junk in the rubbish bin. Put the stuff back in that was supposed to be in there. Then put a few things in other places where they should go and then faced a dilemma. Still some stuff but where to put it. So I did a second, more ruthless go through and threw out another bag of rubbish. Then I just neatly put all the left overs back in the cupboard. So not a perfect solution but nothing left out on the floor or adding to the clutter some place else.
Then I stuffed up.
I started a conversation with my wife about submission and it did not go the way I wanted. It did not go anywhere. She does not like the idea of submission. Either her submitting to me nor me submitting to her. I describe our relationship as lazy. We do what we do but why? Just because that is what we have to do. But what about doing things because we want to do them and we want to do them for our partner?
I read on another blog about how things go off the rails and I guess that is what is happening here. I wonder where that was.
I am unsure how to proceed.
I am sure that getting angry will not help
I am sure that sulking or feeling sorry for myself will not help.
So I write here to get the stuff out of my system and to crystalise in my mind a few things not to do.
OK so onto the day.
at 6:53 AM