I can not really change my wife. But I do control my own actions. So the question is how to get her to recognise that she is the leader. In the mean time, I am going to try and make space for her and also for my own sanity I am going to stop trying to compete or fight with her.
I will not organise anything unless she asks me to organise it.
I will not get stressed out if she changes things at the last minute.
I will not ask her for sex.
I will not pressure her for sex by for example thrusting up against her in bed.
I will not masturbate (because it is selfish and I want to get out of this selfish head space)
I will do as many jobs as I can around the house. (Washing, ironing, washing up)
I will do at least one job each day as a minium. (This may sound like not much but at present, I do pretty much nothing so I figure start with something achievable)
I will only say positive things to my wife and kids.
If I am angry, I will go for a walk or a run to calm down.
I will not pressure my wife with regard to clothes.
I will offer, but only once per day, to give her massages.
I will leave the toilet seat down and use the brush on the toilet if necessary.
I will turn down her side of the bed.
I am sure I will think of more as I get into this head space.