Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Expressing Love Language

Now just to recap on this.  There is a book called the 5 love languages.  A book I would suggest that everyone reads.  The jist of the message is that we each experience love in different ways and author has proposed that there are basically 5 different ways.
1   Physical touch
2   Words of encouragement
3   Acts of service
4   Receiving gifts
5   Quality time.

As I understand it, we can consider our marriage in two phases
1 The time when we are attracting our potential partner through to a year or so into th emarriage
2  The marriage after the excitement has gone.

During the first phase, when we try to attract our partner, we end up doing all the 5 of the love languages.
We do it because we are driven.  We want that person.  We are in love and lust and no effort is too much effort.  So we buy preseents, we spend time with them, we say nice things, we hug and kiss and we do things for them.
Then time passes and we get busy.  Work, kids and so on and so do our partners
Little time together anymore.  (Gone is Quality Time)
We are too busy to do the things we used to do for them.  (Gone are acts of service)
We stop buying those silly little "I love you gifts" or flowers.  (Gone is receiving gifts)
Words of encouragement become words of criticism.
Physical touch becomes a peck on the cheek or a grope in bed.

and lets assume both partners are human then of course neither is feeling loved.

I believe that we end up only expressing our love language.  So in my case that is "Physical Touch" and so for me a grope or a spanking or pretty much anything physical is received by me as love.  My wife's love language is Acts of Service and so me expressing my love language by groping her is not perceived as a loving gesture - funny that - yet that is exactly what I want her to do to me. 

Now her love language is "Acts of Service".

For me I can not fathom how "Acts of Service" is going to lead to sex.

I guess that she can not fathom how spanking me is is a communication of love.

So where are we.
Well I am going to keep trying the theory anyway by doing acts of service.

I am also trying a different tack and that is to try and suggest that even though she does not understand that whipping me is transmitting love, if she considers it an act of service then maybe that will help her understanding and give me that feeling of love that I need.  Problem is that too seems a cop out to me.  I just want her to know it somehow.

I mused this morning as I was in the shower, she came into the bath room and took my towel off the hanger and placed it on the chair right beside the showe.  An Act of Service.  That is her expressing her love language.  To me a wast of effort.  If I had not know acts of service was her love language I would not have taken anything from it.  Of course what would have worked for me would have been if she took the towel and told be to turn round and she flicked me with it so that it whipped my bum.  But that is just a dream.

No comments:

Post a Comment