Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Hurting her

I am about on a week into my 40 day abstinance from orgasm during lent.

My recollection from previous periods of abstinance is that it is in the second and third weeks that I get a bit edgy.

And yesterday morning I expressed some frustration to my wife.
Bad move.
It made me feel bad and later on I discovered that it had made her really feel bad.

So at lunch time I asked if I could come home for lunch.
I said I was sorry and I asked her to discipline me with the cane.

We went into the bed room and I changed into my boxers.  The reason I do this is that I want her to hit me hard and I suspect that if she saw marks she would stop.  Our bed room is a bit small and so I knelt on hands and knees on the bed while she caned me.  It hurt and part way through I collapsed down. I apologised to her. Got myself together and raised my bum to receive some more.  When she was done I apologised again and she lay beside me and hugged me.

We had a discussion and there a number things that came out of this:

1)  The first was that she had really felt hurt in the morning and that this had made her feel bad/inadequate all day.

2)  The next thing that cae out of it was that hitting me makes her feel nearly as bad.  It is very hard for her and she does not like it.


3) I felt that I really needed her to be strong and strict with me over the next few weeks.

So the difficulty I have is wanting to abstain but not really being strong enough to do it on my own.

She on the other hand I think feels
a) that abstaining is not a big deal. 
b) That she just wants me to be happy and that I dont think she can rationalise that happyness comes from the struggle of abstinance.
c) I suspect she feels that there is something wrong with her and that I dont want to have sex with her.

So anyway we will see how we go.

Last night we did cuddle very affectionatly.

Part of my motivation to abstain is the challenge but another part is that I want to give her some room.  Some space.  But I notice that I have effectively demanded more physical (my love language) attention.

I am thinking I will suggest to her that we have some rules of behaviour.  I like rules that are clearly defined.

I was going to suggest
1.  That I not be allowed to ask for sex.
2.  I not touch her in a overtly sexual way
3.  That she agree to hug and kiss and touch for half an our each evening.  This hugging not lead to orgasm on my part of course.  The idea here is that with no expectation of orgasm then there will be no feeling of frustration on my part yet the physical time will speak my love language.
4.  If she starts to get turned on then we will continue as long as she likes and if she cums then that is great.  Obviously during this time, I would be touching her in a sexual way. 

An interesting problem (I think) is that as far as I can see she actually wants me to lead in the bedroom.  By lead I think she wants to be romanced.  She wants me to make the effort to set the scene.  Clean house, candles, kids in bed, kitchen clean etc.

So we see how we go

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