Friday, February 22, 2013

Hard for her

She has reiterated that she is not comfortable with either person being dominant.

What she does not recognise is that even though she is not overtly dominiant in a bdsm sexual way she is effectively very controlling. 

One way she is controlling is in regard to the calendar.  Her calendar is always full of comitments.  She has control of that and of course her calendar is my calendar so my life is in many ways controlled by her. 

The second effect of this is that she does not have the time to be intimate.  Now this would be the case even if I did not allow my calendar to effectively be dictated by her.

The second thing is to me the crux of the problem.  Having a full calendar or being busy is not in its self a bad thing.  She is smart and is never going to be a sit around and wait for something to happen person but at the same time once upon a time she could find time for me but now....

So it seems to me that even though I may use my kinky side as a motivation to be submissive, that will have to be realised in a way that is seen as setting the scene or getting the environment right for her.

candles in the bedroom type of thing.

I mused this morning as I had a bit of a sulk that when we were married we said some vows.  Something like "To have and to hold..."  Humm I wondered how does one hold someone who is not there to be held.  But then I remembered a line from a song "love is a bridge that links our hearts.  Keeping us close when we are apart"

Not sure what this post is actually saying.
She is busy.
I am sulking
I am still abstaining.
I don't think she really cares
I suspect if I gave up she would just see it as (confirmation) weakness on my part.


  1. The fact that she's always busy an you say she doesn't seem to care are pretty big problems in any relationship , try not to push her any further away with what u are doing !

    With my wife I try to find things that are subbmisive that she enjoys an this has moved on to her trying things I never thought she would turn to !

  2. It is encouraging to see that there are others out there who are submissive to their wives without the whole bdsm D/s type of sexual scene.

    I tried to explain to my wife nearly 30 years ago that I wanted her to dominate me, and I think it scared her. She wanted no part of it and thought that I was some type of sick-o.

    I was just recently able to convince her that it was not a sexual or kink thing but that I wanted her to tell me what she wanted, and hold me responsible for doing what I was told. It has truly transformed both of our lives!

  3. I have read, and re-read this post, i always feel deflated when i read it. I guess that is exactly how you are feeling too. Sometimes life really does get in the way of a marriage, a couple, of our love and needs. Family, kids, work all seem to come before 'us', the two people who married for the right reasons.
    I'm sure she does not mean to be too busy, as i am sure you are trying hard not to pressure her into something she finds difficult to understand.
    Have you tried to sell the idea in the short term to begin with? Say a weekend? Perhaps as a starting point it might be easier for her to comprehend?

    Wishing you luck.

  4. Hi Connie Fused
    I have to smile at your name.
    Sorry you feel deflated.

    I try to analyse too much the why she is busy / disinterested and so on. Hence this blog.

    But no I have not tried for a weekend. My suspicion is that if I could drag her away for a weekend, she would prefer walks on the beach at dusk whereas I would fancy being suspended and whipped and so if I do manage a weekend it will be walks on the beach. Hope that makes sense.

  5. That does make sense. I did chuckle at the weekends away...bless you they are poles apart! I only feel deflated because you seem so stuck. I love your honesty.