Friday, July 8, 2011

5 love languages - me and maybe a 6th

In a previous post, I indicated I thought my primary love language was quality time.

I have changed my mind.  I think my primary love language is Physical.

I enjoy it when you touch me.
In bed I enjoy the physical touching and cuddling up.  (Even if it is not a precusor to sex).
I enjoy it when you touch me,
I enjoy it when you touch my penis.
I enjoy it when you deny me sexual relief - its physical and you are involved.
I enjoy it when you whip me. - Its physical I guess.

There is another thing.  A sixth love language?.  I will call it "Compliance".
as in "you show you love me by complying with my demands"

After we got married I tried to get you to do physical things.  I think because someone doing those physical things to me would mean that they loved me.
So I would
Touch (grope) you between your legs.
Sticking my tongue in your mouth.
Run my hands all over your body.
Wrap you in cling wrap with some baby oil to make it slippery against your skin.
whatever.  It was intensly physical and to me the more intense the more the communication of love.

Paired with this was compliance.
Perhaps the idea starts with the idea that a child who loves their parents complies with their parents.
But with an adult, compliance is a conscious decision and I think that I saw love as being communicated through compliance.
So I saw you demonstrating love to me through compliance to my requests.

So I would find a piece of you and touch you and you would resist and I would keep touching you there because on the one hand, to me, physical touch was love.  I was showing my love by touching and you were showing your love by complying.

Short skirts - clothes are a physical thing.  Seeing you in a short skirt made you look good, physical, sexual, lovely - read full of love.
Complying with my requirement to wear a short skirt especially when circumstances made it difficult reinforced the communication of that love.

Hope this makes sense.

The converse was also therefore true.
The more you rejected the physical contact - the less you loved me (in my eyes)
The more you did not comply - the less you loved me.

So now we are in a situation where you know all about what turns me on.  What demonstrates love.

So I realise that in being overtly submissive to you that I was [clumisly] looking for a way, still based on me, but knowing that you did not like physical touch, to show love to you.  An interesting side effect was that to be compliant requires something to comply to and so I would keep asking you to be bossy / make demands of me because I wanted to show my love through being compliant to your request.

To my readers here - This is the guts of a message to my wife augmented a bit here so the first and second person text is kind of mixed up buyt I was too lazy to rewrite it all in the tense.  Sorry.

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