Monday, July 25, 2011

big picture

Weird isn't it that almost a 100 people killed in Norway, so many starving in southern Nigeria that it takes a month to get registered in a refugee camp in order to get food.  Yet here I am dealing with emotional relational issues with my wife.

Finally decided that her primary love language is "acts of service".
Sort of a process of elimination.
She certainly is not a "physical touch" person,
I dismissed "quality time" - couple of examples, If we went an saw a movie then she was not into discussing the moral implications, or possible twists in the plot.  Another example - she came and sat as I watched TV last night.  Now sitting with someone watching TV is not quality time.  Especially when you do not enjoy the show.  So I decided that she was approaching it as an "act of service" to me.
That left "receiving gifts" & "Words of encouragement".  It could have been either of these but in the end it seemed that she was a real doer for others.

So now my challenge is to do acts of service for her and see if she sees that as a expression of my love.

One of the difficulties is that whilest she does lots of "acts of service" for others, she does not let others serve her.  She is quite inderpendant.  In fact I think that she will sometimes feel that when someone does something for her that it is disempowering her.  Possibly because she could have done it better or faster herself.

By that for eample, I mean, I find our house to be a cluttered mess yet whenever I try to clean it up, she goes through the trash to make sure I did not thow anything away that she feels could be better used.

So there you go.
When she whips me she is doing it as a service to me.

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