Thursday, July 7, 2011

5 love languages

I am trying to do some selfexamination and I am reading a book (at my wife's request) called the five love languages.

The basic tennant of the book is that we have an "in love" experience that lasts for about two years during which we often get married.  Then we come down off that high and things get pretty ordinary.  To stay "in love", we need to find out what speaks to our partner.  What tells them we love them.  Apparantly during the "in love" phase, we often do this action subconsciously and that was why the partner became attraced to us but later we stop doing it and so they feel unloved.

The 5 love languages are
Words of affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of service
Physical Touch

Now my primary love language is actually "Quality Time".  Surprising as initially I would have thought it was physical touch - Sex, whipping and so forth - all physical.  Yet after reading most of the book, I think it is "quality time".  By that I mean that I feel most loved when she spends time with me.  Making an effort.  Having sex is fun but having time together as happens with tease and denial for example is more fun.  Even though whipping is intense, I think the real closeness comes from the fact that she is spending time (& effort) with me.

Now the challenge to me is to work out her primary love language.  (& it ain't physical that's for sure)

Now all is not so good there as she said to me:-
"18 years of marriage and you don't know me.  My friends know me better than you do"
So clearly I am not communicating her primary love language to her.

So today I am going to do at least one of each ofthese 5 love language things for her.  BTW, feel free to write suggestions because I am pretty hopeless at these things.


  1. I've met the author of the book, a wise and delightful woman. Good news is the languages have validity, people respond when you "speak their language." Bad news is it isn't always obvious what that is.

  2. Hi ravensron,

    That is so so true.