Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Happy & Sad - Depression?

Feeling down here.

I note that pretty much as soon as my recent orgasm, I have felt down.  Note to others - Your boy maybe happier being made to abstain.

So at one level quite a feeling of being unloved and unlovable.  A sort of underlying sadness.  I also note that my creativity takes a real dive when this feeling is around.  Likewise bugger all drive to do anything and far too much lying on the couch.

So as well as wallowing in self pity, I figured I should try to find a new way out of it. 

I think my wife and I are in a bit of a death spiral and I feel I am the only one willing to try and break the cycle.

Wife -------does not express feelings ---------------> Husband (Feels unloved.  Feels isolated)
   |       \--<-----  Expresses words of frustration and anger--/
Feels hatred or distance
from husband and
of course does not express
any feelings of love.

1.  I know I must not to express feelings of frustration and anger.
I do try but about once a week or two I boil over.  So that is not working.

2. I will try a new thing and that is to write down when she does express some kind of affection.  However small or quick.  Maybe that will be me a more positive spin on my existance.

+++ So this morning she came and gave me a hug and kiss in the kitchen.
+++ I had reason to come home after gym session and lay down on our bed and she at my request lay beside me for moment.  (obviously at that time of the morning time is of the essence)
+ Made me lunch to take to work
+ responded to a "Have a nice day" text I sent her.

Ah I feel better already.

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