I want love. I want you to feel loved. I want you to feel you have space. I guess space to find the love you onece had for me.
These are some of the things I am giving up. I am aware that I am giving them up and will never get them back. I am listing it here so you know and so I know. Its all out in the open.
Mini Skirts - If I had my way, you would wear them all the time like you did for the first 10 years of our marriage. Yes you would feel self conscious. Yes people would comment and yes they would sometimes see your undies. This I am giving up.
Plastic - Well you and plastic anyway. If I had my way, we would put the plastic protector back on the bed. Even though it was sweaty and crinkly and we did not sleep well, I liked it a lot. I would wrap you tightly in plastic. One of my favourite memories is sitting on the couch with you in front of me. Wrapped in plastic with bike pants and a tee shirt over the top. I say behind you and ran my hands over your chest. Another is the time we went to the restaurant with you wrapped under your clothes. As you know I enjoy plastic pants and I liked you wearing them even though you hated everything to do with plastic. Any possibility of this ever happening again I am giving up.
Spanking you - I dreamed of spanking you. I am sorry I hit you so hard. In hindsight, I think I should have just lightly, very lightly spanked you. patted you. It seems though that I created in you a huge fear of spanking. I know that it can modify behaviour and that is why I have asked you to whip me because I want to overcome my weak control over my temper. I dreamed of "fixing" your time management and I believed that could be done with spanking. I also saw spanking you a way of you demonstrating submission to me. This I am giving up.
Control briefs & tights - again, if I had had my way, you would wear them a lot. I remember a short time when you wore them for several days even at night. Back when our bed was down stairs.
Asking permission - At one time I tried to get you to call me sir as a way to demonstrate your submission to me and more recently I have tried to get you to ask permission to go to the toilet. All of this I am giving up.
Control - I am giving up some degree of control. I would gladly give it all up. In a way that would be easier but as I understand it, you don't want that.
What I am not giving up on is......
and most importantly, my faith in God.