Wednesday, December 8, 2010

No value

I am feeling down.

My balls ache. I have not had sex for 2 1/2 weeks.
Last night my wife got into bed and said sorry I haven't read your blog for a few days. She laughed and said "I got the laundry folded". (Not this blog but the one I have specially for her).

She then asked if I would like to talk and I had not much to say. Usually I want to discuss being submissive. I want sex.

So I feel less valued than the laundry.

Then I come here to write about my feelings and I see that there are about 600 hits to my blog but not one comment and even if I go back a few days. Only two people - subservient husband and Weave. So I feel sort of pointless.

I started off telling her that I only wanted sex when she wanted it but I can't excite her. I just don't know what to do. My head space is entering a dangerous place and that is starting to wish she would just give me relief. If it is such a sacrifice for her to let me inside her then at least her giving me that is showing me some value.


  1. It might take a long time until your wife gets interested in sex again. I don't think you will able to live completely celebately until then. - Maybe you should try to find another agreement with your wife. Maybe you could ask her permission to masturbate with her watching. Or ask her for permission to wank on your own, once a week or so. Tell her how hard it is for you and ask her to help you find a solution that is ok for both of you. Just don't pressure into her into having sex with you when she doesn't want it. Be patient.

  2. She obviously answered you when she told you that she had folded the laundry....why didn't you fold it? If you know there are things that have to be done, do them. There are only so many hours in the day and if she is tired, she won't want to have sex. Also, you make sex sound like just another chore for her in your one gets up and says 'let's do more chores!'...Some romance might help and giving her the time to be romantic!!!

  3. Hi Anonymous
    You are absolutely right
    I should have folded the laundry.
    I need help with romance ideas.

  4. Mr. SMH,

    Great post. Really. Even though you are down, you express your honest feelings well. This is surprisingly rare.

    Achy balls is something I can relate to. ;-} I am at three months and it is going to be at least another month. Good work with the chores. Massages too help to brighten my attitude. Maybe ask her if you can massage her feet while she watches the tele tonight.

    Now, as to comments and blogging. Here is how it works. I found this out early on in my bloging history. The more comments you post on other people’s blogs the more they in turn, come and post on yours. It is not a one-for-one ratio. More like a one-to-five, but the principle is the same. I get between 500-1000 hits on my blog per day. I average about two comments per day. Lots of people like to just read. These are known as “Lurkers”. Sometimes if you touch a nerve with them, the come in out of the dark and post an anonymous comment, but mostly don’t. Anyway, that is just how it is. I blog more for myself. I find it therapeutic to get my thoughts into writing. If others enjoy, well, that is just an added plus, but not the main reason I do it.

    Take care.


  5. I've read many of the posts in your blog and I don't think you should feel you are less valuable than anything in the house - it's just your perception of the situation.

    The fact that you are willing to take steps to change your marriage to something better than you have at the moment is commendable. I think that the majority of married men out there would not even bother and simply remain happy with things as they are and their wife's feelings be damned. Already you have shown that you are better than they are.

    There are some areas I think that are frustrating your intentions:

    Perceptions. In your post "Trying to Communicate" she said that: "things change as you get older." Rather than spending time trying to talk her into leading wouldn't it be better to start building her confidence and help her change her mindset around her perceptions of how people are supposed to feel as they get older?

    Temper. In the same post she mentioned that "we live in fear of your temper." Here I can relate to her and in my case having a volatile parent doesn't really help in fostering an environment where anyone wants to step up and take charge -
    it is simply to dangerous. I'm not suggesting physically but who wants to lead a team if there is no way of telling when a player is going to explode.

    The pattern of loosing your temper and then apologizing the next morning must probably be getting as boring for her as the quickies are for you.

    Fixing things. From your blog and some of the comments it is clear that many men desiring to have WLM's want it because they hope that in their wives taking over they will have someone else to control some behaviors that they themselves cannot.

    This could be fixing a problem in their personalities or relighting a flame that has gone out of their relationships. Sure this could work but only if both parties are working together.

  6. Hi subservient-husband,

    Thanks for this very practical advice.

    I love reading your blog. Sorry to read that things are not going so well right now.