Tuesday, December 7, 2010


So yesterday is Monday and mid morning my wife rings me at work to tell me that 14yo has yelled at her and then has gone off with his friends and then has called in tears to say he's left his phone on the train. My wife is sad for him loosing the expensive phone and has called the railways.
I text the phone offering a reward.
Periodically during the day, I call the phone and each time it rings out.
Time passes.
Phone answers. "Hello its son here, I found my phone in my bag"
I instruct son to apologise to wife when he gets home. For both shouting and losing phone.
Arrive home.
Wife is out with other child.

Thinking of "subservient-husband
's" advice, to do things for her, I decide to do some more of the things on the list on the fridge, I replace a light fitting in one room and replace the bulb in the kitchen and then tidy away the stuff that has accumulated on the dining room table. Not romantic but practical. I check the kitchen and wash the dishes.

We have dinner.
She leaves for choir practice.
I ready the kids to go to scouts.
As we are leaving, she calls to tell me that they are supposed to take a plate of supper. I ask what we have and she says look in the cupboard. While she is on the phone, I go look and it is full of chocolate and junk. I am annoyed. I express my annoyance to her down the phone. I yell at her. "Why do we have all this junk in our house"

After the call I feel bad. I feel weak.

I get the kids into their beds. I complete the washing up and cleaning of the kitchen. I put glasses of water beside our bed. I turn on the bed side lights.

When she got home I asked how she was. She said that she had asked the choir to give her a "sound immersion" whatever that is.

I said I am so sorry that I yelled at her on the phone.
I said to her "you know what we have to do"

She does not like hitting me.

Anyway she went and did a couple of things. I changed into my boxers and got out the electrical chord and put it on the bed beside me. Then I lay face down on the bed. I actually felt sick. I was so anoyed with myself for shouting at her.

She entered the room and just picked up the chord and without saying anything she brought it down hard on by bottom. After the second stroke, I bit into the pillow. It hurt. I wanted it to hurt. I did not want to cry out because I knew that right now that would cause her to stop and I need her to not only punish me but to gain confidence. I buried my face in the pillow and tried to withstand the pain as each stroke landed on my bottom.

Then she stopped and put the chord in the draw and walked out.

She went into her office and did some work on her computer.

After a time I went in and stood behind her and massaged her. I said that my punishment was not about the chocolate it was about shouting at her. I said I am sure I could have found a way to in mature way express my concern about chocolate in the house without resorting to shouting at her down the phone.

I know I am not getting sex tonight. Even I can see the atmosphere is not right.

But she is getting more confident. We have had a couple of discussions about her lack of libido and whether she is actually turned off by me. Does she even want me inside her. She even asked if I was OK that we had not had sex on Sunday night and I said "yes" and I went on to say that "I want to create space for her to feel like wanting sex". I asked if when we were first married, did she think about sex before we got into bed and she said "yes she did". I said that I wanted to try and get the relationship back to being like that and that I did not want to pressure her. She said what if it takes a long time. I said that "It is something I really want". She said "What if it takes a year". I said "What do you mean". She said what if it is a year before I get to have sex. Now I am so hard and so turned on that I say "Even if it is a year".

I must be mad.

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