Last night I worked a bit late, came home, over ate, had two glasses of wine, fell asleep (bad me) on the couch. She therefore had to clean up the kitchen, put kids to bed and then do her preparation for today. maybe she should have spured me into action but I think that also I really should be more self motivated. OK bad me. :)
One of the purposes of this blog is to me reflect on my own behaviour and feelings and work out how to be better next time.
As a self observation, I tend to fall asleap after alcohol so I think I really need to not drink or work out a way to stay awake if I have a glass or two.
The other thing that results in falling asleap is over eating. Last Sunday I was a bit ill and most of this week I have been eating very little and looking back, much more awake. Last night. Two lots of rice and stew. Tummy over full. This leads to sleep. We all know (or should know) that we (sweeping generalisation here) all eat far too much. I believe that for longest life, one should actually quite severely restrict ones food intake. Perhaps that should be a personal goal.
We did have a nice quick cuddle last night when she did come to bed. Less than 5 minutes. Good points were that she had told me in advance that it would be quick. The next good point was that she was nice and direct. Told me OK thank you now time to sleep. The third point is that because I am abstaining from orgasm. There is zero possibility of sex. So I do not lie in bed feeling frustrated because I did not get sex.
It is 5 weeks now and the pressure seems to have tapered off. My body and importantly my mind have gotten used to it. So yes I do get turned on from time to time especially if I see a good looking girl or if my wife engages physically with me but there are quite long periods where I am not hard on. Also I had a lot of thoughts that were along the lines of "will I loose the ability" Sort of worrying thoughts. Now yes there is the "worry" that I may not be able to do it but those thoughts are becomming less intense and also being replaced with more thoughts of well does it really matter and also recognition of how fulfilling some of the other personal physical interactions are. With no pressure to have sex, she seems willing to speak my love language (a bit of kink and pain) and I am of course focussed on her - gentle words of encouragement and gentle physical touch and I am doing this in a way that is not trying to goad her into sex and on her side she is not feeling the need to have sex. Hope that makes sense.
Actually last night she did say "Would I do 6 weeks again". Of course I said yes and then I corrected myself and said "I understand that you really like it when we cum together" So it would seem that maybe we should work out how we can do things so we have the benefit of no pressure for sex but if things have worked out such that you are turned on and you do wish me to orgasm that you can decide to let me. If that makes sense.
I think what I am hoping for is that there will be times when she will orgasm and I wont and that there will also be times when she tells me she wants me to orgasm with her.
I am hoping that I can stay in this mindset where I do not expect sex from her nor push her into giving me sex. I also hope she realises that men do not need relief. When she used to give me sex because she felt I needed relief, it used to leave me feeling weak. It was in reality quite unsatisfying sex for both of us. You just have to look back a few months in this blog to see me expressing such feelings.
So a bit over a week to go until orgasm.
Condoms to be purchased by me. That will be interesting. In the past she has bought them. But now that responsibility has been handed to me.
Focus points for me:
- Eat less, Drink Less
- Appreciate my wife - Do something for her each day.
- Do my home duties!!!