Tuesday, November 9, 2010

A discussion with the wife

Well last night I had a bit of a discussion with the wife.
I believe that communication is a big hurdle.
Also she does not have a kinky bone in her body.

I think that Having one fetish, irrespective of what it is, I believe makes a person open and understand others even though they may have a totally different fetish. But if you have no fetish of any kind then it is impossible or maybe very very hard to understand a fetish.

The second thing is that whereas men are driven by their sex drive and I think for the most part recognise that and recognise that they need to distinguish between sex deive driven action and socially acceptable activities. Women on the other hand, as a sweeping generalisation, do not have that drive but at times engage in behaviours that are well motivated but are obsessive and in more extreme cases can be unintentionally abusive.

Let me try and give an example or two. Using kids to try to make it pretty darn obvious here. A man may abuse a girl and it is pretty darn clear the line between abuse and OK behaviour. Pat a girl (child) on her back - OK. Put your hand on her thigh - Abuse. Now I have heard women discussing with each othergetting their kids put on ADHD drugs. Almost trying to out do each other. One woman I heard say "I had to take [little darling] to four doctors before I could get him on [unpronoucible behaviour modification drug]"and the other mothers were just allover each other with similar stories and none of them seemed to see that this was just plain weird.

But what does all that mean. Well what I am trying to do is to get my wife to actually recognise and think about her behaviours. Not that they are necessarilly abusive but to think rather than just do on autopilot.

Now it is not that she does not think at all. Sometimes she does do things just for my pleasure. Like giving me a quicke. But I guess it seems to me that she has certain ingrained concervative attitudes.

So that is why I am on the lookout for movies that are just a little bit kinky. I thank those who suggested movies with male sub, female dom scenes but these were mainstream movies. I may still point these things out to her but I was looking for a movie that would be just into the kinky side ie almost mainstream but maybe soft soft porn if that is the way to consider it. Also that is why I am on the lookout to meet someone with a kink. I am not looking to bring some doniatrix clad in shiny black vynal over to meet my wife (much as my wife dressing like that would turn me on) but that would just totally freak her out (that I would even consider wanting her to dress like that although she actually knows that I would like that. She would see that as me pressurising her). What would be ideal would be Mr & Mrs ordinary where they are just a bit further down the road to this submission thing.

Anyway those are the thoughts for the day.


  1. I was discussing my own blog with my wife (she is behind reading 2-3 posts) and I mentioned that it feels like there is a submissive male/dominant female blog community that is not unlike a "reality TV show". I don't like reality shows but I do enjoy sharing and learning others' sexual experiences. I belong to a Christian men's group where we discuss our struggles, and there's NO WAY I would discuss anything about my kinky sex life... the only thing that is brought up is struggles with masturbation, and it always feels awkward.

    More to your point, we are a very conservative couple. I don't think you would consider us as having any potential for kinkiness. I doubt my wife is that inclined to discuss sexual things with her girlfriends but it would excite me and embarrass me if she did. Every one of her girlfriends knows that I am snipped. Would she ever discuss orgasm denial or spanking/ball torture with them? I doubt it, but maybe if she met another dominant woman she could compare notes. Be careful what you wish for!

    With regard to movies, I have heard that "The Secretary" is an intense S&M movie but I haven't seen it. I think it's with a male dominant and female submissive, which doesn't interest me. But I think it's "mainstream". We rented "YPF" or "young people fucking", which is a Canadian romantic comedy movie. It was decent. There is a scene of a wife taking a man with a strapon and some other kinks. It doesn't cross the porn line, but it gets fairly close. That's the only thing I can think of for now. Cheers!

  2. Im not sure if this helps.But if you are looking for soft core porn , have you checked out someof th e CFNM[Clothed Female Naked Male] videos that are out there. "Pure CFNM" and "Adventures in CFNM " come to mind.they both feature naked males serving women .Most have a strong FLR theme to them.especially the "Adventures in CFNM" videos

    On a more mainstream note , oneof my favorite tv ads is the one on Youtube called "The Cleaning Hunk". It is a 3 minute tv advertisment that shows a hunk cleaning a womans house for her and slowly stripping off his clothes and using them for cleaning rags, as she oggles him and orders him around["lower, lower ,thats perfect"].

    I dont know if any of these would interest you or your wife.But i wish you luck in finding what you want

  3. MR Submissive Husband
    You seem to be interested in getting your wife interested in lesbianism. While i share your fantasy of being cuckolded by a lesbian [much more then being cuckolded by another man], i would caution you, that as you probably know, some fantasies should stay fantasies. You dont want to risk losing your wife to somone else for good.

    But if you DO want her to become interested in lesbianism , you might want to check out the videos from "Abby Winters". they are geared towards women and depict normal looking women instead of porn stars pretending to be lesbians.And they tend to show more tenderness and kissing [although there is sex of course]

    There is also the American tv show "The L Word". Im not sure if they have shown it in the UK yet. But im sure that you can find it on video online.

    Once again i dont know if this helps at all.but good luck with your search.

    BTW , you mention wanting to meet a dominant woman and submissive man living in a wife led marriage. A couple like that might be under your very nose. When you are at a friends house, watch carefully at whos in charge.and at a dinner party watch carefully which husband serves drinks and does the dishes afterwards. In my experience its often the shy and quiet type of women who are often the most"dominant". They may not act crude or aggressive [like some of the drunk female "chavs" ] .But its usually the quiet , intellectual women who are the "strongest" .

    Since your description of your wife implies that she is a highly intelligent woman, this is a good sign for you.In my experience , the women that dress primly tend to be more dominant then the ones who dress "sexy ". The ones who dress more primly are dressing for thier own comfort. Whereas the women who dress "sexy" tend to be the submissive type swho are eager to please men[ and not the other way around] That has just been my humble experience