Sunday, November 14, 2010

Return to earth

This is what I would like to say to her.

We are in bed before 9:30pm. This is good I think but my initial optimisim soon takes a turn down hill and now I find myself once again at the keyboard feeling like crap.

Having had a great Friday, Friday night, Saturday, Saturday night out, Sunday at Church and Sunday afternoon, I now for the first time this weekend really feel down.

What is my value I find myself saying once again to myself. Sure you are tired. But that did not stop you finding the energy to stay up half the night at a party on Saturday night or to contnue at your festival on Sunday. But come home and within a few minutes of hopping into bed, you are incoherent and drifting off to sleep.

I guess I should just remind myself of my servile position. A position of irrelevancy. Before you drifted off too sleep you admitted that you had not read the private blog since last Wednesday. Once a friggin week. Cripes you wear out the keyboard on face book and your email. WTF did you do all day Friday that you did not get a chance to read my private blog to you?

Now for my own sanity as much as anything, I am offering you the opportunity to take control. But you have to take control. You can have control in the bedroom, the family whatever. Psychologically I can not handle being ignored. You want to drift off to sleep and leave me abandoned on my own then I will end up looking elsewhere for love.
BE WARNED. When I leave do not say that you did not see it coming BE ******* WARNED.

Well that's what I would like to say.

So I blow off steam here and feel down and then I can go to bed and wake up in the morning and have another go with a more positive attitude and a smile on my face.

BTW, the blog I refer to is a private blog where I have been trying to outline what I feel and would like to do. Somewhat less honest than here in that it is more just about trying to get her to understand what I feel and what I would like to do wrt sex and submission.


  1. Mr. SMH,

    This post is wonderful. You have connected to your emotions wonderfully. Let me see if I can restate to explain I understand too.

    You are desperate for your wife to use your gift of submission and to dominate you. Every fiber of you is screaming for her to impose disparity in the relationship where you are expected to comply under threat of punishment and she explores new interests and uses your service as support. She will taunt you with the promise of sexual attention in order to foster a servile attitude.

    Instead you are being all but ignored and the topic is never brought up by her. You feel she wants nothing more then the whole discussion to go away and is using ignoring you in hopes it will be a passing fancy.

    The fact you were able to put this level of honesty into a post is a wonderful step. It may also be insight into the level of desperation too.

    Unfortunately, I do not have an answer. I have gone through similar times. What helped me was to consider the ignoring as a form of punishment and purposeful inflection of torment. When I saw it this way, my masochistic side was actually able to enjoy the anguish in a twisted fashion. If you are a true submissive, and I believe you are from reading your posts, once you have given your wife the gift of submission there is really no turning back. You are now openly submissive. She may choose to ignore, but as the saying goes, weebles-wobble, but they are still submissive….. ;-}

    Take care…


  2. This is what I wrote to her

    You have come back from a great weekend away.

    We are in bed before 9:30pm. This is good I think but my initial optimisim soon takes a turn down hill and now I find myself once again at the keyboard feeling frustrated.

    Now the reality is that you are tired and you do want and need to go to sleep.

    What would have been so much better for me, what would have still given you the opportunty to go to sleep while still giving me a feeling of acknowledgement and titilation would have been if you had for example, while stroking me, whispered in my ear "I am very tired, you are not getting sex tonight. Now lie on your back, dont touch me or your self and lie still" Or something to that effect.

  3. Wow. Just wow.

    WTF did you do all day Friday that you did not get a chance to read my private blog to you?


    I am offering you the opportunity to take control. But you have to take control.


    When I leave do not say that you did not see it coming BE ******* WARNED.

    These are not the words of a submissive man. First you whine because she didn't do what YOU wanted her to do and she did what she wanted to do. What business is it of yours if she wears out the keyboard on Facebook and doesn't read your blog? That's her choice. You can't demand that she read it. Your best best is to make it so interesting and fascinating that all she'll want to do is read it. Sounds like you haven't gotten there yet.

    Then you start demanding what she must do. "You have to take control." Uh, sorry, no. You don't tell her what SHE has to do, you do what you are SUPPOSED to do. If she likes what you are doing, then she will take on the leadership that would be appropriate in return. Sounds like you need to rethink how you are presenting yourself in all this.

    And then, the kicker: threats and intimidation. "YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED..." Oh yes, that's really the attitude to get her to join you in your submissive crusade. Read that statement through her eyes. How do you think she'd respond.

    Whining, demands, threats, intimidation. Yup, hallmarks of the submissive male...NOT.


  4. It is not what I said to her. It was what I felt like saying.
    I feel ignored. I seek some validation to my existence. That is one reason I have this blog.

  5. Even so, if that's what you felt like saying, you still don't have the right attitude in your mind. It can't be about you. It has to be about her.

    If you are being ignored (and that may very well be true), you may have a deeper problem that needs fixing before you get to the point of a WLR.


  6. Hi Devotedlvr,
    I agree that I and she / we have some problems.
    One of the reasons for creating this blog is as a way for me to work through those problems.
    I really appreciate your comments.

    I agree that I don't have the right attitude in my mind.

    Just thinking aloud here.
    First I blow off here so as not to blow off at her as that as sure as anything is not going to improve our connection.

    On the attitude thing, I know I get in a real enjoyable head space when I am doing submissive things. Washing up, house work and so on.

    I guess what I am trying to say is that although I think my focus should be 110% on her, we are a married couple and there does need to be some reciprication on her part. Like when you go to a restraunt. The waiter serves you but you don't ignore the waiter. Does that make sense.

    Anyway, thanks for your comments.

  7. Well darn.

    I just wrote a huge long message and blogger ate it. Crap.

    I can't rewrite the whole thing--I don't have time. Listen, do you know about my blog? Maybe give it a glance and if you want to chat, either post a comment or send me an email.


  8. Dear submanhub:

    Don't listen to "devotedlvr". You have every right to your feelings. You may well be a great submissive for the right woman. The right woman may not be your wife.

    It sounds like you are headed down a difficult path. But it may be the best path for both you and your wife. There's a lot of pain in splitting up, but there is light on the other side: you can be who you want to be, and be validated for who you are.

    I speak from experience: I went through a very tough divorce a while ago. It was worth it. I have a wonderful dominant partner now. I am much happier than I ever was with my first wife.

    If you need to leave the relationship, it's ok. Your wife may want to end it too.

    Of course, you may be able to reconcile: it's impossible for me to say with so little information. But don't let people like devotedlvr belittle you for having your feelings. Your feelings are real.

  9. I didn't say he didn't have a right to his feelings. I said he had the wrong attitude. Big difference there, to me.

    And I think you make a giant assumption that the best solution to this difficult time he is facing is to get divorced. I am glad it worked for you but that is not a solution that everyone would choose and for many, may be the completely wrong solution.


  10. Hi devotedlvr,

    I agree with you as well that I don't have the right attitude.

    I am not planning to leave her. Just as I wrote the blog entry I felt sad and angry.

    please don't argue with the anonymous poster.

    I had gotten frustrated that she did not want to become some kind of dominatrix.

    I am taking a big breath and then I will try to gently re enter if that makes sense.

  11. Hi SMH,

    I wasn't trying to argue...just pointing out that I was being misunderstood.

    If I can offer another take-away...if my husband said to me he would like me to be some sort of dominatrix, my response would likely be something along the lines of, "Are you kidding me? I hate those outfits."

    On the other hand, if he said to me, "I want to do everything I can to make your life more comfortable, more pleasant, and easier for you," I'd say, "Where do I sign up?"

    Since you seem to have trouble verbalizing some of these things to your wife, might I suggest you start living that principle. Think to yourself, what can you do, today, to make her life more comfortable, more pleasant, and easier? Think of one thing and then do it.

    And maybe write a blog post about what you decided to do.


  12. Hi devotedlvr,

    I agree with your strategy / idea to write a blog post about what I decide to do.

    I have my list of self imposed rules (off to the right of the page here) but I think I will, after I have chilled out and let things just drift for a day or two (not too long), do as you suggest.

    I will pick one or two things and write them and then do them and when they become second nature / well practiced, I will add another and so on.

  13. Hi again,

    I hope you don't mind all these comments. If you do, just say so and I'll stop posting. The thing is, I feel your frustration and I would like to offer some suggestions that might help.

    I read your list of self-imposed rules and while that's a start, I have to say, there are an awful lot of "nots" on the list. Instead of focusing on what you won't do (which is a negative mindset and requires change from you in ways that you might not want to change), flip it to be positive.

    "I will do one spontaneous, kind thing for my wife everyday."

    Also, why do you need to wait a day or two? Start today...I don't know what time it is where you are, but can you do something on your way home from work? Stop at the grocery store and buy an inexpensive bouquet of flowers. Or maybe buy a card. It doesn't have to be extravagant, just a way to show her, "I'm thinking about you."

    I don't care for the term but I have come to realize that my husband and I are in a WLR and have been for our entire married life. Heck, I proposed to him! LOL. He doesn't identify as submissive but if you scratch at the surface, there is a part of him that is. The thing is, he lives by the mantra of "My pleasure is your pleasure." He's said that for years and part of what we are discovering with chastity--not he *really* can put my pleasure first. But it is the day-to-day kindnesses that I really appreciate: the juice waiting for me on the table when I get up. He meets me at the car every day when I get home and carries in my bags. He never leaves the house without saying goodbye and letting me know where he is going. And so on...

    It's not rocket science, just a matter of changing your priorities and attitude. I think you can do it. Good luck,


  14. Hi devotedlvr,

    Please do keep posting. I get great encouragement from your posts and also the posts from subservient-husband.

    I just figured I should let the pressure subside. She had made comments about me expecting her to perform. I suspect that if I were to start doing things for her, that she would thing "well here we go again".

    I agree with the positive.
    I agree that what I have written in the rules is basically negative and that ties in with comments made against this blog and by my wife that I may be depressed. I guess lots of negative feelings and comments would contribute to that. So setting positive goals and the like is likely to be so much better.

    Thanks again