Thursday, November 18, 2010

emotional rollercoaster

I am still on an emotional rollercoaster.

I left work early and got home. Wife not home but some of the kids are home from school. Great opportunity.

Find the washing done and hung out. Beds un made. So brought in the washing. Made our bed and the younger kids beds. In fact doing this puts me in a real enjoyable head space. Did the washing up that seemed to have piled up and generally cleaned up the kitchen.

We had visitors in the evening and that was great.

Got into bed and I watched my wife as she got changed. I thought at the time, this is fun watching. Not realising that she was deliberately teasing because it was so subtle.

Started to talk and she drifted off to sleep. This made me angry again. I blew off so took myself out of the bed room before it got any worse. (So you have to endure my rant here). My main frustration is that just falling asleep seems lazy to me on her part.

Morning comes

Amazingly she awakes and we have a chat. I tell her I am sorry for losing my temper last night. I tell her it frustrates me that I loose control of myself. I tell her that I wish she would whip me. She says the kids are home. I say how about just a couple to see how noisy it is. She says that she cant do it.

We start to have a bit of a discussion about physical pain vs emotional pain.
and about me being a carrot and stick person. The carrot being emotional connectedness and the stick being some kind of punishment.

I talk about how a coach gets a person to rise above whatthey are capable of on their own. She says but a coach does not punish. I said well maybe they don't hit but they do punish. They will get you to do extra pushups or run longer or more laps or whatever.

She says that she is not my mother. I agree. I would never go to my mother and ask for punishment. I am an adult. But in this case I recognise some of my weaknesses and I want her to help me regain self control.

She suggests howabout the punishment be her telling me that I am not to cuddle her for a certain period of time. Yes I say that would be good.
Inside I am thinking YES YES YES. She is starting to get more confident.

Somewhere in the discussion she mentioned had I noticed the way she undressed the night before and I said yes I had enjoyed it and I apologised for not thanking her at the time. I think it was a bigger thing for her than for me actually. I think I am looking for her to do a stip tease with all the music and lights but that even doing a little flirt is emotionally hard for her.

This is a little disjointed.

Then today, I see she has sent out an email inviting her girlfriends to a coffee night without consulting me. My initial reaction was one of annoyance but then I remember that this is what I want. As I change my headspace I totally change my internal feelings. I feel sort of stimulated that she will do this.

OK so thats where we are today.


  1. I can imagine your frustration....ouch. I know you're trying hard.
    I do wish my Wife had more libido, too.
    Her making the coffee plans w/o you does sound like an appropriate step, though.
    Good luck!

  2. It must be so difficult to balance everday life with an FLR. We only have my kids at the house once a week and while it's great to see them, it changes the dynamic of our regular lifestyle.
    I know what you mean about the mindset when you're doing chores. But I find I also have to have that in my head to cope with other things - like Mistress organising stuff and then telling me.
    We have a saying in our relationship - Mistress is always right - and while I don't always acknowledge it (to my cost!), it kind of sums up where we aim to be. But we found geting this FLR thing working takes time and it's full of pitfalls and compromises - just like any relationship.
    It sounds like your wife is trying to adapt to the lifestyle. Hang in there

  3. Hi respect for Mistress,

    I think it is extra hard because for so long I tried to be the leader and she is finding it hard - a bit of a head spin - for me to actually say OK I am not trying to lead.

    So while she has been in control she has not had to acknowledge it and she still hasn't. I do not think she views the sending out the invitation as a control or leadership thing. Whereas even when I was trying to lead, I would always ask her opinion before issuing an invitation.

  4. Mr. SMH,

    I agree with Mr. Weave and Mr. RfM. It does seem she is making an effort. Her deciding to actively punish you for bad behavior is a big step. Teasing you and making plans without asking you too. It actually sounds wonderful.

    Good job with the chores. Keep it up. I think you will find it helps with the attitude too. I am doing laundry now and am in a good space as a result.