Thursday, November 11, 2010

Trying to communicate

I think one of the biggest hurdles that my wife and I have is communication.

Probably as a result of a few negative reactions from me. I will try to get a conversation going and then get angry when it does not go the way I want. So the end result is that we do not sit down and discuss thing. Sometimes I talk but from my point of view, she just clams up.

Last night though we managed a few sentences back and forth.

At one stage she commented that maybe I was looking for teenage infatuation. You know that love lust where all you can think of is the other person. I said "maybe I was and that what's wrong with being be so totally focussed on the other person".

She then said that "things change as you get older".

I said yes it seems that we get futher and further apart but should that be the case? Sure have other interests but in our marriage service it was declared the two have become one.

So a real issue I have to deal with is my temper. Not that I have ever punched anyone but I have gotten grumpy a few times and shouted at her a few times and stormed off in may car in a bad mood. See Cathardic expression. Get it out. Identify the problem and then start to deal with it.

Now we did have another small conversation last night where I apologised for getting angry yesterday morning at home.

I said that I was sorry and she said we live in fear of your temper. I said I don't like loosing my temper. I said I want to change but I do not seem to be able to. I said I want there to be a consequence for me and I think that you whipping me would be a good consequence.

She said that she could not do that. That doing that would be as hard as enduring my bad temper.


Have to think on this.

Because I do want her to be happy.
I do want her to not be afraid of my temper.
I do want to be consistent.
I do not wish to loose my temper. It does not make me feel good. Nor does it make her feel good.


  1. I know my comment won't be too much help ---- but I do know that there are many methods out there for learning to control your temper. Whether it is a class or a book or something, there are proven methods.

  2. Is there a chance that you are suffering from depression? My own experience, prior to be diagnosed and getting the appropriate meds, was that I was angry all the time, snapping at my wife and kids constantly. I regretted the way I was treating them, but couldn't seem to control myself. Give it some thought.

  3. Hi hhaversackers,

    Look there may be some truth to that. Others including my wife have suggested that at various times.

    May look into it.

  4. As a medical pro, I noticed this with aj and did a chemical test. After chemo therapy his system went out of whack and all hell broke loose. The test showed his system lacked 2 vitamins and testosterone. Now he takes the vitamins one orally and one via biweekly injection and the testosterone monthly. He is now normal. Get a chemical test with your GP it takes a few minutes and the results should come back within 48 hours and you will then know what is needed and follow-up. aj's favorite is when he gets his injections and has to drop his pants and panties for the needle in his butt. He keeps an accurate record telling me when his shots are due. Everything around us has improved.

  5. I like your blog.
    You sound similar to my situation.
    I think I loose my cool with my wife because I desire a wife led marriage. Just like you we attend church. She doesn't see the obvious benefits in a wife led marriage. She does wear leather pants, but it all comes down to attitude. My wife nags not demands. It's a big difference. I love my wife, and still try to please her with my service.

  6. Hi countrylefty,
    The pants thing is one of the pieces of history that my wife and I have that is I think sticking things up a bit. For the first few years of our marriage, I made her wear skirts and dresses only and often had her wear mini skirts. Actually amongst our friends, they knew that she did it because I had required it. She was embarrassed from time to time and there were some activities that she could not do so these days she occasionally wears pants it is usually when I am not around.

    So as you can see, we have some role reversal to overcome.

  7. Hi Rachael & hhaversackers & Another One,
    Actually coming to terms with the idea of being depressed is a hard one.
    Its not like I am depressed, sad all the time.
    But it is true that from time to time, I get depressed and angry and frustrated.

    It is also hard to come to terms with the idea of actually going to see a doctor. An admission of failure or such????

  8. Sometimes the best way to get communicating again is to get out of your environment. Maybe another honeymoon with no responsibilities to a place where you don't know anyone and the only people to talk to would be each other.

  9. Oh my God your experience is IDENTICAL to mine. Please write to me at and we can help each other out. My wife is talking about taking me to the doctor and getting injections given to me. She has a sister who is a nurse and she wants me to get injections. She says its the best thing for a jealous and angry husband. My wife is very dominant in this way and now wont take no for an answer. I told her I would behave but no way to change her mind. Women in this country are very powerful. You should ALL join EXPERIENCE PROJECT (look for me doctorrs) a website where many men like us post. It is a thriving community. I am scared of the stigma of psychiatric labeling from a diagnosis of Pathological Jealousy which is what my sister-in-law calls it.