Friday, November 19, 2010
massage feels good
We probably all feel good receiving a massage but last night my wife agreed for me to massage her.
This is a bit of a milestone as in recent time, I have offered and she has declined. I had a look at the clock and it was 9:55pm. I wondered how long I could keep up the massage thing. I had read about subservient husband massaging for like 40 minutes and figured if I could manage 5 minutes I would be doing well.
She lay in bed on her tummy and I started on her back. It just massaged and was very careful not to "feel her up". She was wearing a nightie. From the time we were married, I basically made her wear skirts and dresses and not to wear pants so she sleeps in a nightie. I used to get turned on watching her in these short skimpy nighties and I would just grope her whenever I felt like it. No wonder she pulled away from me emotionally. No wonder she had declined the offers of a massage. Then I moved onto her feet and I she remained lying on her tummy. I just gently but firmly pushed and released and rubbed the balls of her feet. At one stage she apologised for not having washed her feet and I rather crudely said well you will forgive me if I don't lick them and later thinking wow if she wanted me to lick the dirt off then I would. Not something I would have done a year ago.
Anyway as I massaged I looked up her legs and at her bottom where because the nightie was short I could see her undies. I remembered making her wear this short nightie in front of our friends when we went to a pyjama party at the time revelling in her discomfort as all the other women wore long pants pyjamas and her she was in this skimpy baby doll outfit. There were many occasions like that. As I sat there massaging her feet I resolved that today I will go and buy her some pyjamas with pants as a symbol of my change of attitude.
This has been a sort of cathartic post. A confession in a way. To my wife I am sorry for the way I have treated you in the past. (I know that at present you do not know about this but one day I hope you will read it and forgive me)
On other topics, I did not attempt to discuss anything with her as recently that has just resulted in me blowing my stack and getting angry. I did not ask her for sex and just let her drift off to sleep. That way I hope she did not feel pressured to perform. She got to enjoy the massage no strings attached. I stayed in a submissive head space and I remember now that when I finished I looked at the clock 10:30 on the dot. 35 minutes. I am amazed at myself. How time flies when you're having fun.
at 4:46 AM