Thursday, June 2, 2011


To my dear wife

I was I confess angry when I saw my daughter this morning wearing culottes.

I think Culottes are probably the most unflattering physically ugly piece of clothing invented. They also convey a message of lack of identity cofidence. I am a girl so I cant wear shorts but I do not have the confidence to wear a skirt or words to that effect.

The next thing was the very fact that she actually owned them anoyed me intensly. If you had purchased them after I abdicated my position of family leader and turned the leadership over to you then that would have been fine. However I suspect. Nay believe that they were purchased before that. And that typifies what I was up against.

I tried to lead.

You talked about shared leadership and in that context there is discuss and agree and implement.

But this just typifies the actual reality and that was that irrespective of what the outcome of our discussions were or the outcome of any agreement or the result of any direction I gave, if you did not agree with it, then you just implemented whatever you saw as right anyway. The culottes are a case in point that demonstrate the termiting of my leadership.

So now I have abdicated and you are in charge. I will not be termiting you. I will be doing my very best to support your decisions and to make you happy and to do the things that you ask. I will be putting effort in to doing my very best for you. I use that word submissive because that is the word that I see best describes this. It does not mean I will sit around like a stunned jelly fish waiting for instructions.

But there is an emotional change of mindset that I need to foster.

I have always said 'no hints'. Guys just do not get hints.

With you in the leadership position, I need you to overtly lead. Please do not hint, suggest or be subtle. If you want something or want something done, then please say so. Please do not hold back. Please use this as a way to regain your confidence. Have fun with it.

I see the bed room as a way to play, practice and extend this.

Yes there is a reward for me.


With your attention, I go to work happy. (I used to hate driving to work angry and drained)


With your attention, I get sexual enjoyment. Something that had evaporated as your sex drive declined.


I beleive one of the reasons that our kids have become progressivly worse behaved is because they have been able to subconsously pick up the disunity between us. So my unity is now your unity and I hope that my children, whom I care dearly for, will without realising it, begin to become better behaved and I believe that that will translate to better results at school, in sport and in their social lives. Their success brings me happyness.

Finally on spanking.

Yes I get turned on by physical stuff including spaking.

I find the whipping to be cathardic. It clears my head. When it is over, I feel new, cleansed, ready to start again. There is also a feeling that hopefully you feel a little empowered although I understand that it really does stress you becuase I think you feel a conflict within yourself about inflicting physical pain. It helps me to change my mindset. This sort of whipping needs to hurt physically. Actually it does not work so much for me if it is not hard enough because it is then confused with a sexual turn on spanking. I ask you, when you do it, to hit as hard as you possibly can. Sorry it sounds so weird but I hope that one of the things about trust and intimacy is the freedom to explore in an atmosphere of trust.

I love you and I want you to be happy, I want to be happy too and I want our kids to be happy.


  1. Mr. SMH,

    I find conceding to my wife's view on a matter quickly enlightens me as to her perspective being superior. It has taken practice though. Empathy to my wife's view is a skill that took me time to develop, but I find it very useful in situations as you describe.


  2. You better hope she knows what she is doing, or else you might need to take the lead to protect the kids. But who knows? If she won't Domme you, doesn't know what the kids need in terms of discipline,and cuts you off at the knees when you try to co-parent or take charge in any other part of the relationship, then I suppose you will be in the worst of all possible worlds.

    There's a possibility that what you are doing will destroy your marriage BUT from the post above it looks like she's held you in contempt for awhile now. Either she wants you to be Captain and her the first mate, or she wants it the other way around, but she better figure out what she wants.

    Good luck. I've read your blog and I'm sympathetic.