Friday, June 17, 2011

Training me

Yesterday morning my wife asked me to drop one of the kids at the train station so they could catch the train to school and to pick up a loaf of bread.

I forgot the bread.

Now this is not a big deal. But it did anoy me that I had forgotton to do something she asked me to do. I want to be focussed on her and to be thinking of her. Actually one of the things about no sex is that I think more and more about her.

I got home and realised the bread was forgotton and she said "that's OK, the kids can have tuckshop today".

Later my wife and I were driving together and I told her that I was disapointed in myself for forgetting the bread. We discussed how it was no big deal and I said that it was not that it was bread that was forgotton that was the disapointment for me. It was that I had forgotton to do something that she had asked me to do. I said I would like her to whip me tonight. She said "OK"

She is still not comfortable with the concept of punishing me but she does understand that I wish to "better myself" and that having a coach or mentor or advisor person can help with personal development. She does I think sort of understand that having a 'cost' as well as a 'reward' is a good thing. Carrott and stick. In my case literally physical pain is a good stick.

Time passed and after the kids were in bed and she was getting ready for her long weekend away with the girls and I was dog tired but I asked what I could do to help. The bed had a huge pile of clothes spread on it ready to be packed and there were half sorted things in the kitched and so on. She got me onto one task and I complted it and then she asked me to do another.

I mentioned would she punish me for forgetting and she just said mater o factly yes we had better do that. I was not wishing to distract her and was wishing to do everything I could to help her so I had been holding off aking her. I also figured it would wake me up and make helping easier. I said to make it quick how about 6 or 10 really hard stroked rather than taking too much time out of your getting ready.

So I put on some boxers and lay on the bed. She took the chord and whipped me pretty hard about 6 times (i loose count) then went round the other side of the bed as she does and did another 6 - 10. Ther were harder but I really wish she would do it excruisiatingly hard and leave bruises. Sounds weird. But at least she had done it. I felt like that 'foretting episode' was in the past and I was also now wide awake.

Helped her pack. Got into bed. Did not even attempt to initiate anything sexual. She rolled onto her tummy and asked me to massage her. Which I did. I did not attempt to entice her sexualluy becacuse I think she would have just found that anoying as she is focussed on her weekend away and we had agreed that I was not getting release until mid next week at the earliest.

I wonder though as I do, whether she is whipping me as a sort of sexual reward for me that does not involve having sex. By this I mean that for the first 10+ years of marriage, she would never deny me sex. If I asked she would comply even waking her up at 4am for a quickie. Never complained but it became stale. She never reached orgasm and I think basically gave up on sex. Now since I have submitted to her and started to focus on her enjoyment, she has reached orgasm a number of times and often several times in the one night.

At one stage, she went through a phase of feeling like she had to perform for me, but we seem to have gotten over that. Partly because I am getting better at self control. At not snuggling up to her and hinting or asking for sex and then saying only if you want it or don't let me cum till you have. This just pressurises her to reach orgasm but in fact makes it harder for her to reach orgasm. So now I think she knows that if she feels turned on that I am ready and waiting but that I am not pressurising her if that makes sense.

Anyway I think she sees me as a person who gains pleasure through physical touch much more than she and so even though she does not really relate to it, she is willing to whip me because I get that stimulation. Now I don't actually get turned on in the same way but it is something I crave and I also like the feeling of there being reward for being good and punishment for being well not good.

There you go.

Gee I would love feedback and comments but they seem rare even though between 700 and 900 people read this every day. Don't know what I am doing wrong to write in a way that does not entice people to comment.


  1. Have you ever tried getting your wife to be friends with an actual Dominant woman who could coach her better on the lifestyle? It may make things much easier for her and you would no longer need to top from the bottom.

  2. There are several things you could try to increase the number of comments you get:
    1) Leaving comments on other people's blogs. They might return the favour.
    2) Writing something provocative.
    3) Writing something others can relate to and/or find helpful.
    4) Asking explicit questions.

    You tend to just tell some event or other from your relationship ("Philosophical musing" was an exception, but it was still very general). While this may be interesting to read, it is difficult to comment on. Is there anything special you would like to hear other people's opinion about?

  3. Thanks guys for your comments. I will see what I can do. They were very insightful